The Road to Life
by runwitskizzers
Summary: [Kakashi]period[Because that is all you'll ever need.] Kakashi grinned under his mask – he loved the Road to Life. Ready yourself for a extravaganza of Crack.


_New Love! _

_Get Your Humor Here! _

_Sullen, Angry Dispositions!!_

Kakashi grinned under his mask – he loved the Road to Life. It was one of his favorite places.

Unfortunately, it was so damned twisty and curvy that he inevitably lost his way many, many times. This particular time, he was walking towards a booth that sold his most beloved _Icha Icha_ manga, when a tiny, adorable stray cat crossed his path.

This was never a good sign on the Road to Life.

This had only happened to one other guy he knew from various meetings on the Road to Life, and that guy had never returned. Ever.

… Kakashi was worried… but being Kakashi, continued to walk nonchalantly towards his precious manga's booth.

This is where things started to go really wrong.

Just as he was about to step up to the vendor, something slammed into Kakashi's side and held him up against the wall.

"_Don't_ touch the books." It turns out that that 'something' was actually a Someone and that 'Someone' was actually Jiraiya. "Trust me."

"Jiraiya?" Needless to say, Kakashi was surprised. He'd never actually seen anyone else from Konoha on the Road to Life, and so he felt his next question was completely valid. "How did you get here?"

"Don't be pert with me, how do you think your damned Sensei knew about this place? Where do you think he learned it?"

Suddenly, a few things made sense to Hatake Kakashi. What those things were, we'll probably never know, but, the world became just a little clearer for our favorite Copy-Nin.

"…Oh. Well, why are you holding me up against a wall?"

Kakashi had a remarkable ability to be very, very calm, almost looking bored in most situations… where other people would probably not be so calm, or look so bored. Generally, those other people would be terrified and probably be wetting themselves, in what Kakashi would assume was a very uncomfortable manner.

"For your own good!!! You can_not_ touch those books!" Jiraiya was still holding him up against a wall. Kakashi gave him a level stare.

"You could have just told me."

And then he was on the ground because Jiraiya had dropped him, having realized that he could, in fact, have just told Hatake Kakashi not to touch the books, and all would be fine.

But now, Jiraiya had unwittingly set a sequence of events in motion that would end in an insurmountable amount of pain for him – but that's another story all together.

Right now, we really only care about Kakashi. Because he's awesome. And he pwns.

When Jiraiya dropped Kakashi, he managed to drop him on the cat which had previously crossed his path. Kakashi let out a tiny, tiny yelp that no one really heard except the cat. Said cat then went tearing away straight towards the _Icha Icha_ manga collection, and through the vendor's legs. The vendor then tripped over the cat, and his two left feet, onto the rather large, busty woman he had been speaking to about stopping her husband from buying anymore _Icha Icha_ mangas. This rather large, busty woman then fell backwards on to her incredibly wide behind, taking the poor street vendor with her, seeing as how he was crushed between her massive … love bumps.

Her husband had been sneaking to get some more of his favorite _Icha Icha_ manga and had seen the end result, and of course was convinced that his wife was now holding a scandalous tryst with the street vendor, who in fact was one of the few innocents within this tale. The husband decided now was a good time to unleash his Katana, and come after the _Icha Icha_ street vendor. However, that same blasted cat from before decided that he would run back towards Kakashi in revenge and in doing so, manage to trip up the husband who then fell towards Kakashi, his katana pointed outwards.

Kakashi thought he was being attacked and immediately jumped into a defensive stance, lifting up his forehead protector and charging up chakra in his arm.

"Chidori." He murmured, quietly. Why he said it quietly, no one is sure of, because everyone would hear the chirping of a thousand birds any ways, so it's no real secret that the chidori was coming.

The rather large, busty woman saw that a strange man in a mask, with two different colored eyes was hurtling towards her husband with what looked like a ball of lightening in his hand, and she knew, just _knew_ that she had stop her husband from being mugged by that hooligan.

Without thinking twice about it, she lifted up the street vendor, who at this point was just happy he could breathe again, and swung him around in the air a few times before letting him loose straight towards the ever-enigmatic Hatake Kakashi.

Kakashi's half-sharinganed eyes widened as he realized the innocent was currently flying through the air in his direction… what to do, what to do, what to do.

First thing was first, discharge the chidori because he couldn't go around killing street vendors who actually sold his favorite manga.

Then, what?

Oh wait, too late.

The man's head shot directly into Kakashi's stomach, and then the husband's katana buried itself in the wall next to Kakashi's head.

The husband himself had managed to somehow hit his head against Kakashi's, and so now all three men were unconscious.

Jiraiya had snuck away at some point during this whole fiasco and was currently being chased down by 12 angry mothers.

The rather large, busty woman walked cautiously in the direction of the three knocked out men, only intending to grab her husband and then make a run, er, well, waddle for it.

As she was standing over them, reaching for her poor, darling husband, Kakashi's eyes shot open and he gazed upon a behemoth.

And so again, he thought he was under attack. Only this time, by Godzilla. However, he didn't even have time to charge up his second chidori because as soon as his eyes opened, the rather large, busty woman screeched a sound so loud that the cat who held the second highest blame for this whole debacle was truly jealous of her singing voice.

Kakashi's eyes immediately rolled back up in his head because if he was to die, he didn't care any more.

Hours later, when he woke up, he was alone. The rather large, busty woman had taken off with her husband and his katana, and the street vendor had immediately closed up shop and hightailed it home upon waking.

Kakashi wondered if it had all been a dream.

But then, he glanced down on his chest and saw the cat staring at him with vicious eyes, and he knew that the nightmare was not yet over.

Much, much later at the Team 7 meeting spot,

"KAKASHI SENSEI! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" His head hurt something awful, and was not getting any better with the screams of his former students. Sakura and Naruto had a thing or two to say about his 3 hour lateness today, and unfortunately for him, they weren't about to let him off the hook.

"You see, Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, I was on the Road to Life and-"

"Save it Kakashi-Sensei, if you're not going to tell us the truth, don't bother. We don't care about your stupid Road to Life excuses any more." Sakura drawled in a bored tone.

"But-"

"Yeah Sensei, you'd think after all this time you could come up with something better."

"No you don't-"

"I have to say, I actually agree with the dobe and Sakura on this one." Kakashi groaned inwardly.

Oh well. Maybe one day he'd take them there and let them see how hard it was to get out of in one piece. And then he'd laugh, and laugh…

"Um, Sensei… why are you laughing?"

"Oh nothing, Sakura-chan. Nothing at all."

Sakura couldn't help but be worried about her Sensei's slightly insane laughter, and darkly menacing tone – but forgot about it as soon as Sasuke grabbed her hand to urge her forward.

She would come to regret not paying more attention to Kakashi's eyes, then.

But for now, all was well in Konoha, and Kakashi stored away the plan for revenge in his head for another day.

* * *

A/N: OMGSTFU it's not a SasuSaku! What was I thinking?! Hehe, I actually really enjoy this one, because it's so completely bizarre and reminiscent of my style from days of yore. You guys'll have to tell me what you think, and whether or not I wrote the other characters well enough.

Or if you found it enjoyable or not XD

Reviewsssss, I need reviiiiiiieeewwwsss! Feed my addiction!

Heart.


End file.
